The Weekly Meeting
by TRIGGER M00NSHIELD
Summary: Pein explains to the Akatsuki that they need to learn to drive.


I still havent figured out how to make paragraphs properly unfortunately.  
Due to build up of ficcies that I havent written clogging up the evilness that is my computer, I have submitted quite a few of these all at once. Finally I am putting my account on this site to good use...

* * *

The Akatsuki sat in their living room patiently or not so patiently, listening to Peins random drabbling of the latest events in the neighborhood, Orochimaru sightings, lists of fines they had received and Tobi's daycare fee's.

Amidst Hidans frequent cursing and general complaining, Deidara shifted in his chair constantly from boredom, Kakuzu muttered under his breath whenever money was mentioned and Tobi sat on the floor playing with toy cars and tying the irritable Akatsuki members shoelaces together.  
The weekly meeting was fairly uneventful until Pein came to the discussion about the driving lessons he had arranged for his evil little minions.

"We have plenty of jerry cans filled with fuel in the shed in the garden that need using because to be brutally honest, if they don't get used up soon Deidara will either blow us sky high, Tobi will drink it, Kakazu will sell it or Hidan will find a way to sacrifice it."

No one stood up to argue.

"No objections? Good. Okay, Kakuzu and I managed to secure a van a few days ago. There are however, 10 of us, so the need for another vehicle is more pressing. Not to mention if something happens to the van, none of us knows how to fix a car. We will of course need drivers."

He trailed off here, letting the Akatsuki discern the meaning his words conveyed.  
Pein noted with amusement that some of them had no idea what he was getting at.  
They all had their own unique expression as the group sat some sitting, some sprawled, across the living room couches.  
Tobi still looked utterly confused (or as confused as he could under a mask) and he sat on the floor, legs crossed, twiddling his thumbs and glancing idly at the others for some sort of clue.

Deidara looked like he would split his face in half with his grin. He obviously had some experience with vehicles and Pein vaguely remembered being relayed a story of young Deidara being involved in a car theft and reckless driving.

Kakuzu's tormented expression was changing between pleased and annoyed.  
He was visibly twitching at the thought of how expensive cars were to run…  
But upon realizing it wouldn't be a problem because they would end up stealing the money anyway his violent seizure like movements stopped…

Zetsu seemed pleased enough with the idea and sat, picking at his venus-fly trap, waiting for the next part of the discussion.  
His white side bickered quietly with his black side.

Itachi had leaned back against the couch and fallen asleep, sitting up with his fingers laced together.  
Pein frowned, the Uchiha had been snorting spray paint and other questionable things for the last few weeks.  
He claimed it helped the pain in his eyes caused by over using his Sharingan.

By Peins orders, he had been questioned several times by Kisame because he was the only one Itachi really talked to.  
However, the last few days when Kisame had tried to pry Itachi's hands away from a can of deodorant or paint he had been threatened with the Mangekyou Sharingan so the matter had been promptly dropped.  
No one really questioned Itachi anymore.

Hidan was blissfully silent and leaned against his chair with a thoughtful expression. He had been strangely quiet today and it had been put down to the fact that Sasori had most likely spiked his bottle of Pepsi with tranquilizer again.

Sasori and Konan already knew the situation. So they sat back, politely waiting for Pein to finish.

"Considering the majority of you have never driven-"

Deidara opened his mouth to rebut before Pain cut him off.

"Or have never driven _properly…_ I decided we should probably get some practice in.  
The area around us is smashed up pretty bad due to last weeks mishap with the postman, in fact… I think this house is the only building on the block still properly standing courtesy of Deidara… But on the up side it will make for good obstacle evasion."

Standing suddenly, Pein stood and pointed to each of his subordinates.  
"Me, Konan and Kakuzu can already drive because Kakuzu is old, Konan is a woman and I'm just cool like that.  
Zetsu, Sasori and Kisame, after we scout for a new car I'm going to teach you all first because you are all of age and (hopefully) mature enough to be able to handle something like this."

Sitting back down after receiving nods acknowledging his orders, Pein sliced his hand through the air in a dismissive gesture.

"Well that's it I supp-"

"Wait a sec!"

Pein wasn't surprised at Deidara's outburst. He had in fact, expected it.

"Yes."

A statement, not a question.

"How come me, Itachi, Hidan and Tobi don't get to drive?"

Pein sighed. The idea of Deidara behind the wheel terrified him.  
Partially because he didn't like the idea of a pyromaniac fooling around in a machine run on combustible fluid, partially because Deidara was a potentially homicidal adrenaline junky with a death wish.

"I don't trust you behind the wheel. To be honest, it scares the shit outta me…"

His words were met with nods and murmurs of agreement.

"I'm not letting Itachi anywhere near a vehicle until he kicks his drug habit and gets a pair of glasses."

Itachi had awoken and upon hearing this, activated his Sharingan and thrown a can of spray paint at Pein, who didn't need to duck because Itachi had thrown the can in the wrong direction.  
Whether this was because he was nearly blind or because he was high will remain a mystery forever unknown to ninja-kind.

"Screw you, I can quit anytime I want…"

Pein glared at Itachi's failed assassination attempt and glanced over to Hidan who despite being in a bad mood earlier, seemed to find the situation extremely amusing. Sadist…

"What about me?" Tobi asked in hopeful anticipation.

The Akatsuki glanced at Pein, aware (even if Tobi wasn't) what his immediate reply would be, but anticipating the answer with glee none the less.

"Tobi, I just… No…"

Looking slightly crestfallen but not surprised, Tobi nodded in acceptance and leaned over, resting his head against Hidans shoulder who, amidst a menagerie of swearing, promptly pushed him off.


End file.
